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Holiday Weekend Weddings By Jon Boroshok I always wondered why anyone would have a wedding or other “life event” on a holiday weekend. I sought out professional help to answer that question, and discovered that while a Christmas or Valentine’s Day proposal may be the start of a fairytale marriage, it’s time to come back down to reality before the invitations go out. Before setting the date, take a long look at the guest list. Don’t buy into the myth a holiday weekend makes it easier for guests that have to travel. Nothing could be further from the truth. Think you’re making it easier for Cousin Rob from San Francisco because he won't have to take a day off of work for your wedding in Wichita? What about his long weekend – one of the few he gets? Is your wedding being held in an exciting area with plenty to see or keep him entertained? Can he book a reasonably-priced nonstop flight? Maybe you’re willing to pay holiday premiums for the band and caterer, but how much more are you trying to make your guests spend? “If you want to stay on a budget, don’t do it on a holiday weekend,” advises Karen Goldstein, of GoldTouch, an Atlanta traveling party planner with 25 years of experience. “It’s inconvenient for guests who also want to stay on a budget, or go on other vacations on holidays.” If you're near a popular getaway spot, hotels charge full rack rates, have minimum stays, and get booked early. According to Sally Black of family travel specialist vacationkids.com, 2003 saw hikes of 40 - 75% during peak travel times. Many resorts also require a seven-night minimum stay during peak periods. This either raises the costs for people wanting shorter stays or makes travel cost prohibitive. Many holiday weekends are often "blackout periods" for cheaper airfares and frequent flyer miles. Choice flights fill up months ahead, so guests may still need extra days off to catch cheaper flights. Uncle Bill in Boston is normally an easy four-hour drive away, but in holiday traffic he'll spend six stressed-filled hours behind convoys of minivans. Once he gets there, his kids will whine about there being nothing to do in the hotel room for two or three nights. He’s family - he has to be there no matter what he was originally planning on doing with his days off. People plan holiday getaways far ahead of the six weeks notice invitations provide, and they often add extra days for a "real vacation.” A holiday weekend wedding disrupts those plans, so Goldstein advises sending out a written “save the date” notice seven-to-eight months in advance. Plan on inviting your guests’ children too -- holidays weekends are family time. “Have baby-sitting, and activities for the whole family,” says Goldstein. “Entertain your out-of-town guests.” Think of local guests, who would have to stay in town all weekend just for a ceremony, cocktail hour, and a four-hour reception – and have to find a baby sitter willing to work on a holiday weekend. It’s even worse when the ceremony and reception are held on different days. Consider your guests’ own long-standing family traditions. Imagine telling Mom you can’t spend your traditional Mother’s Day with her because you have to go to your husband’s cousin’s son’s Bar Mitzvah out of town. Sure, you only get married once (let's hope), and it's a special day. Mom might even tell you, "If someone can't forego one holiday weekend for your wedding, you really don't want that person there." That’s her opinion, but don’t be offended when people send their regrets and stick with their original plans and holiday traditions. “It’s a good idea for the bride and groom to call a few special friends and family members to see if a holiday weekend is to hard for them to be at the wedding. If they tell you it’s hard to do, then pick a non-holiday weekend that’s good for you,” advises Goldstein. Some people may even tell you they had a holiday weekend wedding and that nobody ever complained to them. Who would ever tell you directly you’re ruining their plans? Count on lots of grumbling going on behind your back. Long weekends are too few and far between. Holding an event on a holiday weekend is rude and inconvenient. There will never be a weekend that's going to be convenient for everyone. Figure out what's best for you, and then for those people that you want there the most. Just remember, the truth is that it’s probably not a holiday weekend. # # # Jon Boroshok is a freelance writer living in Groton, MA. When he and his wife planned their October 1996 wedding, he absolutely refused to have it over Columbus Day weekend. His wife does not necessarily agree with his opinions.
Holiday Weekend Weddings: By Jan Butsch Schroder Rude and inconvenient? Hosting a wedding over a holiday weekend may not suit everyone, but it hardly falls into the rude category. Let’s reserve that judgment for the bride who passes out envelopes at her shower for people to address their own thank-you notes or who insists her maid of honor lose ten pounds, get a nose job and a new hairstyle so she can be in the wedding. When my dad got married four years ago, they picked the Saturday after Thanksgiving for the wedding. I thought he was crazy – who gets married Thanksgiving weekend? It worked out beautifully – my whole family came and was together for Thanksgiving dinner, then at the wedding two nights later. When I was planning my own wedding this past year we planned it around the holidays as well, picking the wacky day of January 1. Maybe Jon is right – perhaps a few folks were grumbling behind our backs about coming home from vacation a few days early, or putting on a tie on New Year’s Day. But it didn’t stop them from hitting the bar and the dance floor with merry abandon at our reception. Obviously I’m biased. So I decided to consult a few experts as well. Kathy Peterson, the author of five books and a national TV host, points out that holiday weekend weddings are great excuses for taking an extended vacation if traveling to the event. “And for relatives of the bride/groom, it's a good excuse to bring the whole family together for holiday and wedding celebrating.” Martie Duncan, a wedding advisor to “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” points out that a wedding can give a holiday a new spin. “Holiday celebrations can get stuck in the mud after a decade of the same old, same old Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas,” she said. “Why not get out of the rut and let go of the old holiday has-been routine? Let a wedding dictate your holiday weekend this year.” Robyn Werbin, business manager for travelgirl magazine who married Jay ______ over Memorial Day, points out the necessity of the extra day when planning a Jewish wedding. “In Jewish tradition, you cannot have a wedding on Saturday night until the Sabbath has ended, which means it cannot start until well after sundown. During the winter, this is not a problem, but during spring and summer, this is a huge problem because sundown is not until so late. So if we decided to have a Saturday night wedding, it probably could not start until close to 9PM, which means that most people would not be eating until 11PM and the reception would end around 2AM.” She and Jay chose a Sunday night and picked Memorial Day, out of consideration for their guests, so they could enjoy the evening instead of worrying about how late it was getting to be. “I truly believe that more people came to our wedding because of the holiday rather than the opposite,” she said. “If the wedding is going to ruin someone's holiday, then that person should not be at the wedding.” As for expenses, if you know far enough in advance, you have the luxury of watching fares for sales. And most wedding couples book blocks of rooms at discount rates so lodging shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I’ll agree with Jon on one point: There will never be a weekend that's going to be convenient for everyone. So maybe a few of your guests are complaining about your choice of dates, just as some may turn up their noses at your salmon platter or selection of wines. But when it all comes down to it, If weddings were all about convenience, we’d all forget about those pesky guest lists, seating charts and flavors of wedding cake and do what ____ couples did last year. Head to the Tunnel of Vows Drive-Thru at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas for a drive-through wedding. It’s only $40 and you don’t even have to get out of your car. Now that’s convenient. Jan Butsch Schroder is managing editor of travelgirl magazine and is happy that her new husband never has an excuse to forget their anniversary.
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Most guys don’t really like weddings. A friend of mine was in the dressing room on a Saturday trying to find a dress to wear to a wedding that night and her boyfriend called her. “I don’t want to go to the wedding,” he said. “I’m in a bad mood.” That was it for her–they broke up and she went by herself. Sandi Garcia of Longmont, Colorado couldn’t even get her boyfriend to go to Cabo San Lucas for a wedding. “You would think that the lure of Cabo would be enough for my boyfriend commit to going to the wedding,” she said “You would also think that the fact that they are some of our best friends would be enough to get him to go ... but you would be wrong to both. I asked him hundreds of times about whether or not he will be coming. He was always very vague in his responses. Finally I got sick of it and just decided that I was going whether or not he decided to attend. I started on my training for the ‘perfect beach body’ and started planning my vacation! I realized that the more excited that I got about the trip, the more uncomfortable he was with my good mood. So, I started throwing in comments about how I couldn't wait to spend all day on the beach sipping on tropical drinks. I think that the final straw for him was when I purchased a plane ticket without him. Just a few days ago he asked if I would help him find a plane ticket to match my times. What an ordeal!” Joyce Scardina Becker, president of Events of Distinction, an award-winning wedding planning company, suggests using these two key phrases when you ask a guy to go: “open bar” and “we don’t have to stay that long.” She knows of one girl who made a deal with her boyfriend: he would come to the wedding and she would remain in her seat when all the single girls lined up for the bouquet toss. Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul and a stress-management specialist, says, “Tell him much you need him to go with you. Affirm him. Men love to be rescuers.” Patty Sachs, wedding planning expert and author of several planning guides, suggests saying this: “It would mean so much to me to be able to enjoy this great time with you, but if you feel so strongly about not going, I will accept that.” According to Patty, this open-ended request, when sincere, will often do the trick. Insisting or blackmailing tactics will usually get them there, but then it is the responsibility of the woman to make sure her date is having a good time, which can be a major challenge. But perhaps it’s best to turn to the real experts: guys. Mitch Leff of Atlanta, Georgia, says to tell them the bridesmaids are really cute and that there is a TV at the reception where they can sneak out to watch the game. (Funny, a lot of guys offered that same tip, but when the dance floor was empty and I found a room full of guys watching football at my reception, I wasn’t too thrilled!) Joe Mosbrook, from Cleveland, Ohio says, “As a perpetually single guy, there's little worse than attending someone else’s wedding on a day well-suited for golf. But there are some potential incentives, which a women could use to persuade:
To end on a positive note, Sam Waltz (love that name!) from Wilmington, Delaware, said, “Sandi and I had been dating about three months when we went to a wedding last Labor Day and we had a great time. It was part of a process where I met some of her co-workers, and, for me, it was part of our own progression as a couple. Now, we're getting married July 1.”
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